www.disaster-girl.com

FutureSuns/LoveKids

“She had this capacity to love like I had never seen before. She did it without expectation, without any reassurance to her own self. She would see a stranger walking by and love them; not for a moment, but for an eternity. That’s why I had such a hard time understanding her in the beginning. In the past I had only seen people give love to get love. She was love- it existed in every fiber of her being and seeped through her pores. That my son, is why when my mind finally caught up to my heart, I ran in her direction and never looked back. To love someone- sure that’s wonderful; but to become love.. You can never lose that.”

VERNACULAR

He told me that day about not being able to have it all and I told him he was wrong, that everything was within his grasp- except for his own voice. He put his head down, as if to look at his shoes, which he was not actually doing. I remember thinking he did that a lot more nowadays, hiding his face from my prying eyes, or perhaps from the world. Even in doing that often I still found myself wondering if it was out of sadness or resistance, or even a little of both. But I knew I could not make him find his voice, he would have to discover it all on his own. The words he did not dare to speak were the very same words my ears longed to hear. We were terrified; of life, of love, of what it all could mean if we allowed ourselves to match the force life was now allotting us. In that moment I realized I was completely, head over heels, madly and totally in love with him. The words however became unutterable. I was now the one terrified to speak them, but even more scared to miss the opportunity to do so. Every time I tried, they got tied up with my tongue. Every perfect moment flying over my head, only to be acknowledged after its passing. I stopped caring though, about the idea of that kind of perfection. He was perfect, at least to me, and what more could I ask really ask for? Just to have someone that important in life was enough for me. So I decided that I would just say it; blurt it, moan it, yell it, whatever. The words needed to be released, as if they were caged birds clawing at the walls within my soul. They needed to be felt, to be heard, to float freely in the wind and absorbed wherever need be. I didn’t need to hear them back, I didn’t want any sort of validation. I would love him regardless of all that. I didn’t need for him to like it, love it, or even hate it; I just needed him to know it. To always know it, and hopefully in knowing it he would choose to carry it with him, forever.

Reproductions

I’m drawn to the silent sufferers, the souls you can’t see crying. The people who never put up a fight, not because they’re passive but because they no longer have it in them. They are often mistaken for heartless, emotionally-unavailable or empty; but those they are not. Their struggle is apparent in their walk, in the way their eyes drift off when something profound happens, and in moments between laughter when their hearts and brains finally sync. I’m sure I can feel their energy pulling at me from across the room, and at times even across a whole continent. Summoning, drawing, tugging at a thin line that’s slowly reeling me in.

John Ray once said that “Misery loves company.”, but maybe our usage and interpretation is all wrong. Perhaps people with sadness hidden in their hearts can only find love in those who also have it buried within theirs. In math and science, two negatives make a positive; would it really be so far outside of the realm of possibility to think that the same could ring true for hearts?

With people who are my opposites, I often find myself trying to change to reflect theirs- an action I’m sure is comforting to them as well as enlightening to myself. The similar though.. there’s no use at pretending. I am the mirror. They are the mirror. We are the same, and because of that we become one instead of a pair.

Giver Not A Taker

Once when I was young I met a little girl playing on the playground near our old house. I was just a boy at the time and took full advantage of her willingness to always say yes to everything. She would give me her snacks. She would give me her toys. She would give me the swing underneath her if I was so inclined to ask. I never stopped to think about what that little girl wanted though, partly because she just seemed so happy to give it all away. One day the girl stopped coming to the playground and suddenly I wanted to give everything to someone too. I understood, only in her absence, why she did what she did.

It is only when one is all too familiar with doing without things that they love to give more than they love to receive. She was giving what she wanted, and that was all the worlds love.

Nowadays even though I’m older and only go to the playground for my kids, I still think of that little girl. And while my children are arguing over who can ride the seesaw first, I wonder if she ever found someone who wanted to give her their everything.

Because, goddammit, it was the most amazing feeling in the world. And no one should be deprived of a love that pure.

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Waitlisted

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Lessons in Over-Analysis

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Quizzical

Do you laugh at what you see because it is funny?

Or do you laugh at things you see simply because you do not understand?

Reality VS Interpretations

He hinted once that he thought I posted quotes a lot to enlighten or show him some subconscious otherworldly truth.

And I laughed and placed my hand on his shoulder as he knelt at my feet.

 

“No dear, I’m just trying to convince myself.”

Original Royalties

“I’m waiting to see where your loyalty lies,” she said.

And for a moment a million feelings rushed around inside me but she continued.

“I don’t want your loyalty to lie here with me, and I don’t want your loyalty to lie there.”

Her tone was as empty as the box of wants and needs she kept buried underneath her bed.

“I want your loyalty to lie with yourself,” she spoke as she sighed-

pausing only for a second as her eyes stole a glance under the bed, longing for something to put in that box.

“…at least then you will fight for what you want, what you need, and where you want to be.

Everything else is secondary, including me.”

New Wombs

He told me once that he felt like he was barely treading water,

and I asked him if he could breathe with his head all the way under.

& He looked at me confused and asked why I would want that.

So I told him that life was giving him a rare opportunity to be reborn

on his own terms & that he should trust it and take a deep breath. He shook

his head & laughed & said he guessed I wanted him to be thankful for that &

I said I was already thankful enough for the both of us.

PARADISIAC


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Life isn’t perfect, but circumstances can to be.

.


 

Empty Presence.


.

When you don’t bother to show up,  I don’t mind when you leave at all.

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Birthdays


 

She told me one morning as the sunlight sprinkled her face that the only reason

she celebrated birthdays was because it was silly to deny such a feat.

 

‘Twirling for five hundred and eighty-four million miles around

the sun while you’re dancing at a thousand miles per hour is pretty

special, especially when you’re doing it for the twenty-sixth time in a row.’

 

“Well, when you put it that way I have to agree.”

 


Dog Training


 

Why do dogs chase their tails?

Other than sheer boredom, there can really only be one other valid reason for tail chasing. The dog quite simply may enjoy the reactions and attention that it gets from its master and others when it does so. Most pet owners are quick to laugh or lavish attention on their pets when they do something ridiculous and completely out of the ordinary. While the dog may not consciously appreciate the entertaining value of his silly actions, he will soon learn to correspond a stupid action with a undeserved ‘positive’ response. Dogs crave attention, so it wouldn’t be a stretch to suggest that tail chasing could be an attempt to get some when the attention they desire is unwarranted.

“If I stay on the merry-go-round of life, at least the path is predictable and I’ll know where I’m going…”

But remember- Just because you’re moving, doesn’t mean you’re going anywhere- especially if you’re running around in circles.

 ♛

 


 

Sleeves


 

 

My sensei and I sat, back to back, heart to heart.

I could feel the heat of the sun on my shoulders, but I could not see it.

“Teach me something that is worth knowing about the game of life.

I begged, my voice quivering with frustration.

He replied- His body still as ever, his tone cold and empty.

Do not fold your hand, and do not play your cards.

I sat confused, my head finding a resting spot on my palms. I began to whisper.

What is the purpose of having a hand or the cards you are given to play if you do not fold or play?

The hand is but a distraction that life creates.

I could feel his temperance transferring to me.

That is what I have always tried to teach you.

He sighed; his shoulders leaving mine for only a moment. When they returned he spoke again.

Show everyone your hand.

But why?” I questioned, “Why destroy the element of surprise? Why completely give up the only cards you were dealt to play?

My child you have much to learn.

He laughed.

You see, these cards aren’t even yours to begin with. Life gave them to you, circumstances provided them- they were never your conscious choices. Choose the sleeve of your mind. Everyone else will be too busy looking at your cards to bother themselves with looking up your sleeves.


Lines


 

We all have our standards.
I draw the line at male chauvinists.

Where do you draw your line?


No One Meets Their Soulmate at Thirteen


.

Remember when it was raining, we were sharing my umbrella- and it broke..

And we just stood there kissing until we were both fucking soaked?

I remember it, but I know you don’t-

It’s been so long since then but even now you still choke

I get lost in that moment more than I’d like to admit,

Almost like you getting lost in your inability to fucking commit

Why do I still bother submitting to what only you will permit,

Even now.. in knowing none of what you say is legit?

.

A thin line blurred into an ambiguous oblivion;

Livin’  in a world of color changin’ shape shiftin’ amphibians

There ain’t no median, and I’m no damn comedian-

More like a mother fucking middle age tragedian

Trying to look past the lies is like trying to forget the color of your eyes,

Look at me, HA, trying to decriminalize behavior I despise!

We will always be two steps short of a fucking compromise

And I will always one step past predicting this as my demise

All I did was stand up for you, forgive me for never giving up on you

Rescue, renew, screw & spew then we’ll bid each other adieu?

Motherfucking breakthrough- what I’m owed is way past due

.

But I can see the disdain emitting from your temporal veins,

Sighs and shame, a blissless smile masks an underworld of excessive pain

Inhumane wrapped in good ol’ fucking sugar cane,

You’ll always maintain your domineering reins

Wipe that grin off your face, it doesn’t take a genius to see you’re right

I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to see the fucking pilot light

I’m uptight tonight and it’s obvious I love the fight

Hell, I even love the reins- but hunny, they aren’t being held so tight

Excuse me if I love the chase, but I’m trying to pick up the fucking pace-

Have I really fallen this far back in this winding fucking race?

..Just a momento lying dusty on a worn out wooden bookcase

ABOUT FACE.

.

When will the answer precede the question,

I’m sick and tired of always having to learn a fucking lesson

I’m just guessin’ that it’s too hard for you to make a selection

Seems like I’m the one continuing to condone my own oppression

You’re a diamond encrusted ball of chain attached to my intention

The beauty is so blinding I can’t see I’m stuck in my own detention

All this for your attention, when all I get is your fucking secession

Further fueling this all consuming and mind numbing retention

Believe me when I say I wish it was all just a dreamscape-

But even than won’t allow us our well deserved escape

This can’t be fixed with scotch tape, and I can’t find the fucking duct tape

We can’t deny our predetermined slated fate

.

No one’s holding on, but no one’s letting go

This has been one long motherfucking plateau

All the things I’ll never say, all the things you won’t bestow

Sorry for the mother fucking shit show.

.

WORKING CHORUS

“He said ‘hey girl when will you fucking quit

You always put too much stock in this shit

I don’t care enough to turn this into a fight

Turn off the spite it’s time to say goodnight’

.


Courtesy


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Your loss of common decency and proper etiquitte frightens me.

Interacting from behind a screen has stripped us of our courtesy. People should never be so busy that they lack compassion. This site baffles me. Friend requests from people who never even liked me in the first place. Like “Hey! I was too busy to say let’s be friends ten years ago but now I’m going to send you this friend request without even a simple ‘Hey, how are you? Good to know you’re still alive..’.” I would much rather get a message like that, at least it’s friggen honest. Most people offer nothing on this site. Sarcasm and disdain has replaced geniune kindness and a love for life. I am tired of this. This is supposed to be a tool for reviving old friendships & acquaintances, not another form of communication between the people you see on a daily to weekly basis. I would much rather having a friend list consisting entirely of strangers, because at least then you know they were intrigued by something about you. The goal of this site should be to create meaningful connections with people and be there to support each other if that time arises. Instead we use this site and ignore connections unfamiliar to us. We deny moral support. It’s as simple as hitting decline or even just pretending the message was even sent to us. It’s incredible.

What are you going to do on judgement day, when god simply asks, “Did you do unto others as you would have others do unto you?”. Most of you will answer yes, forgetting that we all have one thing in common, a loss a human nature.

You can call me old fashioned, I don’t care. I wish I lived in a place where the Internet and phones didn’t exist. When someone just stopped by because they were thinking of you. I miss letters and how much more meaningful people were even ten years ago. If you ask me we are not only in an economic crisis, but a life crisis.

This is a memo to the world.

Happiness is only real if it’s shared.

My courtesy in life is meeting amazing new people and actually taking an interest in their life and well-being.

What’s your courtesy?

.


Conversations


 

.

Me:  Some choose to fight the war of earthlings, others fight the war of cosmos.

Adam:  Interesting way to look at it. We will have to see

Me:  I’m the only asshole who quotes herself.

.


 


Upsides


.

The upside of losing respect for someone you hold dear is the ability

to finally see them without blinders on- realizing everything you loved

about them was the creation/opinion of your own mind-

and not the reality of their being. Clarity is breathless.

.


 

ABBA


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How A sees B affects B, So it alters what A finds in B.

B then sees how A sees B, which alters how B sees B and A.

This alters A’s perception of A, which then affects A, all of which affect how A sees B, and B sees A.

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ICU.


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True beauty is the result of perceptual reasoning,

and you must change the focus of your attention to see it.

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Cab Drivers


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“The oldest tree is just an acorn that stood his ground, so let them call us nuts-

but the collective unconscious is changing, at least we are perceptive enough to see it.”

-My Favorite NJ Cab Driver

.


 

Questions


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Is a self premonition a premonition because I thought of it before it happened,

or did circumstances allow it to happen because I had previously thought of it?

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Battles of the Brain


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Ah, Prion Disease, not to be confused with CRION disease, I see clearly why you’d get confused though.

.

Are you trying to insult my intelligence, make a tasteless joke,

use awful wordplay, and answer a rhetorical question all in the same sentence?

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Yes, I’m deaf, dumb, and blind.

.

You should add devout epicaricacist to that list.

.

Why do you always make me go to the dictionary?

.

Because I know it kills you every time I win the

battles of the brain you intentionally instigate.

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Agir


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overtures,
in mumbled labored breaths
finales,
one could only forget in death.

.

jeu de mots,
Murmure disant,
“À oublier, c’est de regretter”
… vices soupira …
“Je pense donc je suis tort”
.
Rien ne vous est titulaire d’un retour plus de la pensée”
.
“Limite dogme, vous n’auriez pas ont un cerveau si personne ne vous l’ai dit vous avez fait.”
… vices s’écria …
“Agir, juste agir. Réflexion sur la réflexion est inutile lorsque l’acte qui vient naturellement.”

.


 

Legally Blonde


.

Me: I understand sir but I still would like to speak with your legal department.

.

*transfers me*

.

Legal Specialist at Kenmore: Hello Ma’am, the previous representative informed me that you are seeking a replacement for your dishwasher. Unfortunately, the warrant has expired and any replacement will be at your own expense.

.

Me: Actually, implied under the uniform commercial code, there is an implied warranty of merchantability and fitness for purpose. Your product broke because of a design flaw- a piece of equipment that you designed that lacked the elasticity to hold up to the dishwashers designed and well advertised lifespan. I could file an lawsuit against you, but I am confident in the fact that once you research what I’ve just told you- you’ll have no problem replacing my dishwasher. With, might I add, the only cost being taxes and delivery charges.

.

Legal Specialist: Please hold.
*Five minutes later, new specialist*

.

Head Legal Specialist: Hello Ms. Star, We’re going to process that replacement order. We will be waiving all charges.

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Me: Thank you very much.

.

Legal Specialist: Are you a lawyer? It’s very rare we speak to someone who knows the UCC’s codes and loopholes.

.

Me: Nope, I’m just awesome.

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Legal Specialist: *laughs* You definitely are.

.

OWNED.

.


 

Sponge


.

many people hear but never listen.
many people speak but never think.
many people touch but never feel.
many people see but never observe.
many people taste but never savor.

absorb the world around you
or the world around you will absorb you.

.


 

$40


.

Today I used the word “retaliative”, a word I wasn’t even sure was a real word- but defended it & bet everyone $10 that it was.

Had a good debate about it too, but by the end of it I was admitting defeat to myself & saying that they should add it to the dictionary if it wasn’t.

 .

Everyone agreed.

Then we looked it up and it was a word.

 .

Lesson: Never second guess yourself.

Prize: $40.00

.


 

Foursquared


.

If desire is present, attendance is mandatory.

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50 Years Ahead


.

What kind of effect would nanomedicine really have? Wouldn’t it make a doctors job obsolete eventually? Say they create a nanobot that completely cures cancer.. wouldn’t a oncologists job then only be a glorified pharmacist- simply injecting a patient with nanobots to cure them? What about a GP who mostly deals with the ordinary? Wouldn’t coldbots and flubots and physicalbots replace him? And what happens when the human body gets used to the nanobots and starts including them in our design, wouldn’t the glorified doctor pharmacist be out of a job? The only thing that I can think of that the nanobots wouldn’t do would probably be dealing with accidents.. I mean that nanobot isn’t gonna push out that steel rod that just got lodged in the side of your head. So they eliminate the “mundane” leaving only the the stuff that need to be done by ‘hand’. But what about those robots? and what about quantum computers? and what happens in the inevitable future when the two are combined? will we eventually just replace humans with machines- because their smarter, faster, able to perform more intricate tasks without tiring?

.

And what about all that nanolitter?

.

Ugh.. getting fifty years ahead of myself again

¯\_()_/¯

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Intentions


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We were never meant to be anything more than

what we originally wanted out of each other.

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What Did You Think You Would Get?


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Genuine Affection with a Side Order of Indifference.

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Ambition


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When I was young I never wanted to travel to Paris, London, and Rome-

I wanted to wrestle Komodo’s in the Galapagos, feed Gorillas

in Borneo, and go ice surfing with Penguins in Antarctica.

.

When I was young I never wanted a mansion, a luxury car,

or a bunch of possessions- I wanted love, and happiness,

and a little more compassion and peace in the world.

.

When I was young I never dreamt of stardom, fortune,

or ruling the world- I dreamt of returning to the

wild, living off the land, and being as free as a bird.

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When I was young I never idolized others, doubted myself,

or believed anything that didn’t make sense- I drew my own

lines, patted my self on the back, and questioned everything.

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When I was young I never worried, I didn’t live in fear,

and I never went out without a fight- and god dammit..

I’m still young, I’m still a survivor of humanity and it’s society,

and I’m still fighting.

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The more I listen to the child in me- the wiser and more awesomer* I become.

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*Fuck Websters.

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Simplicity


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Altruistic people bring out my kind, humble and selfless side- the side I love about myself. Normal people on the other hand.. the self-infatuateds, the inconsiderates, the nay sayers.. they initially bring out the ‘bitch’ it me- my self-serving, short and blasé attitude with society and its personalities. Over time though I have learned that the negative people are the most useful. For if you do not see and experience for yourself the undesirable traits people show in acting and reacting as well as the qualities of personality that ultimately lead only to pain, anger, and discontentment- you never realize that every road that life presents you is multifaceted and can ultimately bring you down if you go about it the wrong way. People say ‘Pick a path’ or ‘Follow your dreams’- but they never say ‘Watch your demeanor as it affects the enjoyment and bounty of accomplishments’ or ‘Along the road of life, treat everyone as if they were an extension of yourself.. if you do this at the end you will be many. If you do not do this the only thing you will have at the end is the pieces of yourself that haven’t wasted away, been tarnished or broken from overuse and overindulgence.’ Be simple.

 .

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

 .

“Simplicity, patience, compassion.

These three are your greatest treasures.

Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being.

Patient with both friends and enemies, you accord with the way things are.

Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.”

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“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”

-Tao Te Ching

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Release


.

Don’t hang on to anything that has passed its sell-by date.
Let it go.

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Blindfolds


.

There’s a taste test where if you are blindfolded and can’t see the

food or smell it, often times you don’t know what you are eating.

This also holds true in psychology.

.

“Jump from the hook.
You’re not obliged to swallow anything you despise.
See, those unrepenting buzzards want your life,
And they got no right.
As sure as you have eyes,
They got no right.”
– The Shins – Sleeping Lessons –

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Limitations


.

Sometimes in admitting your limitations, you conquer them.

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Dream


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I don’t have a dream.

The dream has me.

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Expectations


.

Ironically enough, the hardest part of trying to practice the taoist way of life for me is giving up all expectations. I know that they are wrong and lead to disappointment/pain/anger and I understand that the ‘I-must-have-it-mindset’ will eventually break me (if it hasn’t damaged me irreparably already). & I have let go of most of my expectations but I can’t seem to let go of the ‘few important preference to maintain’.. the leftover ideals that have defined a large part of who I am for so long. Even though I have expected to be disappointed about expectations for a long time now- which is a taoist belief, and more often than not, that expectation proves correct- it’s still an EXPECTATION.. ugh. So in expecting to not expect anything is really just the same. These disappointments no longer hurt me the way they used to, and now invoke little to no feeling in me.. But still, I dislike that I even have to find myself saying “Did you really expect anymore?” This defeats the purpose, at least to me.

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Having an expectation to say.. climb a mountain on a particular day- and expecting for there to be a rock slide, or a bad storm that prevents your completion is pointless.

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What’s the point in expecting something if you immediately start preparing yourself for let down..? There is none.

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And fuck ‘hope’, that’s pointless too, literally is the exact same shit.

.

Since I am a writer and always have been, I will write and reason my way out of expectation- starting with this.

.

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“If you are irritated by every rub, how will you ever be polished?”

-Rumi

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“Experience this very moment – here right now – and you discover the joy that includes everything – the love that includes hate – the peace that includes the war.”

-Metta Zetty

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This whole thing confused me a lot more than it confused you.

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Gravity


.

Be a boomerang.
Circle your center,
Follow your gravitational pull.

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Actuality


.

People spend too much time looking at the carburetor

when they should be evaluating the whole automobile.

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Realizations


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Say what you mean, and mean what you say- but never forget that the sleep

of reason produces monsters. Monsters that are relative to only you,

and your wound up analytical brain. Discard what events brought you

to a particular stance on a subject and remain objective, and

never give a well thought out rationale to an illiberal mind.

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“You can lead a horse to water,
but you cannot make him drink.”

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“Not only the thirsty seek the water, the water as well seeks the thirsty.” —Rumi

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Empty Your Glass


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I was standing in the store earlier and dropped a glass bottle.

As the bottle dropped, I did nothing. I watched it slowly fall, watched it shatter into pieces.

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Then I began to think that we are a lot like that bottle; aware of the stillness and

peace of being stationary, and aware of the tiny broken pieces we become when colliding with the ground.

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But do we recognize when we are actually falling?

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Almost never.

.

I believe we, much like the glass bottle, don’t acknowledge the very act of falling

because we are preoccupied with the fear. The fear of the twists, the turns,

and the agitation of the core of our very being.

.

After broken our life isn’t a mess— we are a mess. We have to begin to pick up the pieces and collect the liquid that used to fill our soul. In reassembling ourselves we sometimes find that the version we put back together has holes. And yet there are still leftover pieces! Pieces that were too small. Pieces that vanished into oblivion. Pieces that now, upon reexamination, don’t really seem to fit anywhere.

.

In ideal circumstances the leftovers are combined and merged with newly

acquired pieces to form a glue that fills the holes. Renewed and whole

again, we are then able to begin refilling ourselves.

.

But then something happens, we’re full again- the stillness sets back in; and find ourselves wondering how we can continue filling ourselves if we are already full. And there are only two real answers.

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Emptying oneself or breaking again.

.

Save yourself the mess, and choose to empty yourself. Or do like I do and

leave one strategic hole so that the bullshit filters itself out…

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…And to think I got all of this from dropping a snapple bottle on the fucking floor.

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Forgettable.


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Why is it that the good things in life are far more forgettable then the bad? Why does the brain, without warning, discard memories of blissful happiness- only to replace them with memories of utter confusion and pain? Even the really good memories, the ones that the brain tries but fails to delete, seem more like movies from a silent film then a ‘Once Upon a Time’ reality. Why is that? What, for that matter, is the purpose of the forgetting to begin with? Why not forget the bad and always remember the good? Sure.. it’s naive- but seriously, why not? We only use a small percentage of brain matter to begin with, so surely the reason for erasing memories can not be to save space. It’s not even forgetting that really bothers me, it’s WHO/WHAT makes you forget. Almost as though we are USB drives with our only purpose being to evaluate, condense, simplify and save only the information that is deemed important by the WHO/WHAT. Who gave WHO/WHAT this right? Did we? Are we just test subjects, in a much larger scale endeavor? Like rats in a cage only there to serve as guinea pigs to the guess test and revise theory. Is it remotely conceivable that we are, really.. just nothing? A mere speck of existence in a much more intelligent universe? (Oh.. wait.. We are.) What is the purposes of all of this? Really. You can’t honestly believe that the worth of your life means anything to anyone anywhere. If it did cemeteries wouldn’t rent you a plot, they would sell it to you. If it did, your memories wouldn’t just be saved and deleted as pleased, they would be cataloged in a never ending database. If your life mattered, on a smaller scale (for a moment), wouldn’t the top scientific minds main goal to be immortality? Selfishly they must want to extend the existence of their minds, their intelligence, their theories. Could the answer to the age old question “What is the meaning of life?” be as simple as there is no meaning? Surely that answer is far more plausible then there actually being some in depth, highly scientific/religious answer. We really are nothing more than rats in a cage trading cheese for water, water for seeds, seeds for scraps, and scraps for cheese. A repetitive cycle of meaningless activities. If we really were of higher intelligence our society wouldn’t be comparable to an ant hill. Why can human existence even be placed on the same  scale as an ant hill? WHO/WHAT determined that? Who am I to even make a claim like that? On the other hand- who are you to tell me I’m wrong? Who is anyone to tell anyone anything about anything? Who am I to even post this? I am not even a speck on a map, a star in a galaxy, a cosmic ray in the universe. I am arbitrary- We all are, and honestly… doesn’t that scare you?

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It certainly scares me.

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Shit for Feelings


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” Sober: “I still have feelings for you.”

Stoned: “I love you.” “

-2006

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“Why Are You Here?”


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“I just realized the problem with my relationship with *****, when he’d show up- I’d ask why he was here.”

-Circa 2010

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Lines that Broke a Heart


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“Trust,” you said,”is all we need.”

“Love,” I said, “is what kills thee.”

-Circa 2004

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Dreams Decay


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“Stars, they fall.

Hope, it fades.

Sparks, they die.

Dreams Decay.”

-Circa 2003

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Sweet Talkers


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“You lean your hand over my shoulder,

‘Did I ever tell you that I miss you in my sleep?’

You’re such a fucking liar.”

-Circa 2003

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